Aries is the first-born, purpose-is-progress sign of the zodiac, and early man's first bread likely looked like blistered, pillowy, hummus-begging pita bread.
Taurus is the zodiac's potato—versatile, reliable, thick, and long-lasting. We're lazy because we're always seeking for the easy way to pleasure.
Gemini scientist, designed Pringles to create the ideal chip and patented a saddle form and cylindrical container to minimize breaking.
Cancer food technologist George Wade Bigner created Shutterstrock Funyuns. Cancers oppose change and are sentimental, hence the Funyun formula has stayed unaltered since 1969.
Leos dominate summer and are ruled by the sun. SunChips taste like farmyard farts. SunChips sought to portray itself as "green"
This chip tastes like dip and chemical gold dust, like Virgos. Arch West, a Virgo, developed Doritos. West was buried with corn chip triangles. Flour rest.
Libra is polished and seeks to preserve the peace to avoid upsetting or losing appetite. The original Lays potato chip suits most people's demands.
"After tasting it, you will remember your wildest love adventures, your first real love, and maybe even lose your oral virginity," Chazz says on their site.
Chester Cheetah like a typical Sagittarius man: no pants, sunglasses 24/7, pool hall frequenter, and "do you want to take a ride on my motorcycle" charisma.
Captain Ahab, replete with whale bone prostheses, clinched teeth, and ruthlessness, is my Capricorn archetype.
Aquarians are used to being eccentric and criticized. Hot air ballooning, lycra, and kale chips take years to catch on. Every contact with a water bearer has been good for you but hard to stomach.
Pisces, the zodiac's last sign, embodies all previous signs' energies. Jupiter, the spacious, more-is-merrier planet, rules Pisces.